Covenant Thighs Helps Morbidly Obese Pastors

For pastor Steve Pullin having the internet in his office was a huge temptation for him. Week after week he'd find himself distracted as he sat at his desk trying to work on his sermons. There, just inches from his fingertips was the keyboard and the 22" monitor, always seemingly beckoning him to "take a little look."

"I'll admit, it was always a huge problem for me," said Pullin. "It was like I couldn't control myself. I'd spend two, three, sometimes four hours a day pulling up sites on the internet."

For Pullin, whose weight peaked this past March at 421 lbs, the temptation was food websites, a problem facing more and more pastors whose work often calls upon them to sit in offices either preparing sermons, counseling people, making phone calls or planning church events.

"It started out simple enough for me. At first it was a simply recipe for southwest cornbread and before I knew it I was looking up restaurant websites, food manufacturers and even famous chefs. It was like I couldn't stop."

Pullin tried again and again to stop his problem but to no avail, that was until he found a new software called Covenant Thighs. Modeled after the popular internet accountability software Covenant Eyes, the software remotely monitors and records all internet activity on a computer and sends a weekly report to accountability partners. The records cannot be altered, and the software cannot be removed without one's accountability partners being notified.

"I've lost 35 lbs since April," said Pullin. "When I signed up for the software I immediately felt a sense of relief come over me."

The software is free but the monitoring service cost $6.49 a month, which Pullin says is "worth every penny."

With obesity a major problem in the United States the developers of Covenant Thighs expects more and more Christians to begin using the software.

"We're excited about where we can go with this," said Mark Cross, the president of Covenant Thighs. "We're running a special this month where you get your first month free and we register you to win a free treadmill."

Slopology

slop-ol-o-gy (slŏp-ŏl'ə-jē)
noun, plural -gies
1. The study of slop

I came across this jewel whilst perusing the internet the other day. Brother Grice here appears to be a rising star in the magical land of IBFdom. Listen closely here as he mounts up for battle and viciously attacks a straw man called "Calvinism."

Warning: You might not want to have your speakers up too loudly as Bro. Grice is found of sudden changes in volume.

Squirmeneutics

squir-me-neu-tics (skwûrm'mə-nōō'tĭks)
n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)
1. the science of misinterpretation, esp. of the Scriptures, to such a degree that it causes listeners with any common sense to squirm.
2. misinterpretation of the Scriptures so absurd that it causes one to question whether or not it could possibly be for real.

Well, it's once again time for our old friend "pastor" Steven Anderson. In case you forgot, some time ago Steven bought us a comprehensive theology of masculine bathroom etiquette. Now Steven blesses us with this tidbit of theological wizardry on why Jesus wore pants and not a robe.

Now, before you watch this, be forewarned. You're IQ is about to drop. While there is a lot out there in the world of theology that irks me, I'm coming to the conclusion that there is really something clinical going on here. This is beyond your annoying fundamentalist rant. This is mental disability. Think I'm being to harsh? Just watch.