Changing

Greetings "Boxers"

It's been a long time since I've chimed in here. Over the past year life has become so busy that I just haven't had time to blog here on a regular basis. So I've made a decision. As of today, July 2, 2009 TBNN will be closing alltogether for several months. I'm not taking down the site, so feel free to browse the archives and enjoy past posts. My hope is to start up the blog again around late September or October, but with a couple of changes. Here's what will change:

-I will be personally doing most of the blogging. Others may chime in from time to time, but I will be doing the bulk of the writing.

-The blog will no longer exclusively be satire. BUT, I will always strive to make it humorous. Humor is how I best express things in this context. So I'm going to be throwing in some funny stories of things that have happened to us over the past 2 years in Russia and beyond.

-The blog may deal with other funny matters such as politics, family, culture, etc.

-I will commit to writing 2-3 times per week.

So there you have it. My most sincere thanks to Elder Eric, Brother Slawson and Dr. Bill for their contributions. Thank you all for visiting and I hope to see you again in the near future.

Dr. Tom FULL STORY

Dymo LabelWriter 400 Prevalent at SBC 2009

Louisville, KY -- "Capable of producing over 40 label styles and sizes, the LabelWriter 400 is the small, fast and functional label printer for everyday use," touts the DYMO website.

Well, it apparently can also withstand the pressures of constant convention use. These handy labelers could be seen everywhere at the SBC Convention this week.

"You just can't tell by their look who anyone is any more," said Al Duncer, a 65 year member of a SBC church outside of Little Rock.

In a crowd of nearly 9,000 messengers of all shapes and sizes, it has become almost impossible to distinguish theological stances simply by appearance. Some theological conservatives do wear jeans and have hair covering the ears, while some liberals have perfectly parted hair with spit-shined shoes and a tie tack.

So, how did the Dymo LabelWriter 400 help?

Approximately 50 self-serve Dymo LabelWriter stations were available at strategic points around the halls of the convention center and in the main assembly area. For the perfect cost of $0.00, at any time, anyone could walk up to a station, print out a label, peel off the backing, and stick the label on his own shirt, coat, forehead, arm, etc.

Apparently, for the same cost, and apparently at any time, anyone could print out a label with the words of his choosing and stick it on the back of another individual.

"Those labels sure were helpful," said Duncer. "I really didn't know what 'reformed' meant. It was helpful to see the signs 'depraved,' 'heretic,' and 'alcoholic' on the backs of people to clarify."

The variety of labels seemed limitless, but the number one label was obviously "Calvinist" seen both on the front as well as the back of clothing. Some were written in smaller letters on small labels, while one "C" "A" "L" "V" "I" "N" "I" "S" "T" was spotted wrapped around the head of a young man who used nine 2" wide labels, each with one letter.

Some labels referenced living preachers, such as: Duncanite, Mohlerist, Deverene, and Driscollian. Others, that may have been slapped on the back of people while they were quietly minding their own business included: Moralist, Universalist, Atheist, Bar-Hopper, and Hyper-Piper.

In an email response to TBNN, a Dymo executive said they were willing to provide the LabelWriter 400s to the SBC in hopes that delegates would bring the idea back to their home churches. "From now until July 31, 2009, all SBC churches will receive 20% off."

FULL STORY

ESV-Kindle-Only Churches Growing Fast

A new technological trend is sweeping across vast sections of our country. In particular, this trend can be found in the emerging/emergent church movement. TBNN has discovered that a growing number of these churches have taken a dogmatic stance on the scriptures. They claim to be ESV-Kindle-Only (EKO).

Christ the Redeemer Community Fellowship is currently the fastest growing church in the greater Phoenix, AZ area. It is also unashamedly ESV-Kindle-Only (EKO). David Hopper, lead pastor at Christ the Redeemer, told us, "When we began our church, our people were using all kinds of bibles. It was crazy. We couldn't even follow along when someone else was reading. That's when we decided to go ESV-only. We strongly believe the ESV is the actual word of God, free from any error. All other versions have problems because they have been corrupted."

Gene Carmer, pastor of small groups at Christ the Redeemer, told us, "We used the regular ESV for a while, but it was just taking too long for our people to find bible passages. It required them to know where the different books of the bible are located, etc. Additionally, regular book bibles are really bulky and a pain to carry around. That's when we decided to give Kindle a try. What happened was amazing! Our people were no longer stressed about how to find their way around the bible. They had full electronic access at their finger tips. This is clearly a far better option that the book version of the ESV. The Kindle is also far lighter, especially when compared to the ESV Study Bible."

While many people are happy with this situation (as shown by Christ the Redeemer's 350% growth rate over the past two years), not everyone is thrilled. Frank Jacobs loves his church, but does not like the Kindle. According to Frank, "I'm just not that technologically oriented. I like to bring my ESV book bible with me to church. Ever since the church went EKO, I have been getting stares and rude comments from people. Some church members who I thought were my friends now walk the other way when they see me. Last week was the worst when one young lady pointed at my (non-Kindle) bible and yelled, 'Why do you carry that counterfeit version? It was made by the Devil and belongs in Hell!' I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Now I'm hearing through the grapevine that the pastors are considering bringing church discipline against me and possibly denying me the Lord's Supper."

When we asked about Mr. Jacobs' situation, Pastor Hopper replied, "We in the emerging/emergent movement have been criticized for not saying what we really believe and for not taking a stand on important issues. Well, this is an important issue to us. We strongly believe that the ancient manuscript evidence shows that not only is the ESV the only valid bible version, but that the ESV-Kindle is what Paul would have wanted us to use. We will accept the persecution that comes with being ESV-Kindle-Only. We will not give in on this issue." FULL STORY

Entire Basketball Team Voted "Most Humble"

Lancaster, PA -- The Calvary Saintly Scholars, a private Christian high school in Lancaster, PA, recently held their sports banquet to honor those students who excelled in athletics during the past year.

Top individual honors went to Eric Jubans, the senior wide receiver who has committed to LSU for his freshman year of college, who was recognized as the football team's MVP. Jubans scored a school record 22 touchdowns during his senior year and a whopping 59 touchdowns during his five years at Calvary, also a school record.

Other notable awards during the evening were received by Trisha Mildridge, for her top district performances in the 100 meter hurdles and the final leg of the 1500 meter relay and Sven Loudskridgt for his unique techniques in the shot put and javelin that earned him all-state honors.

Amidst the individual recognition, the bulk of the evening was devoted to the basketball team. A most curious award was presented to the entire men's basketball team, and received on their behalf by coach Jasper Clement.

The award? ..."Most Humble"

In a PowerPoint presentation of the team statistics provided by Coach Clement, the first slide highlighted playing time. All 14 team members recorded staggeringly similar playing times, ranging from 11:23 per game to 11:26 per game over the entire season. The title of the first slide was "We All Work Equally Hard." As Coach Clement read the slide, the banquet crowd erupted with applause and continued with a full 1-minute standing ovation for the way the coach had allowed all players to play every game.

The second PowerPoint slide stressed the importance of "Ball Time." Ball Time summarized the amount of time that a particular player had possession of the ball, whether holding or bouncing. The Ball Time per game varied a little more, but was still amazingly close, ranging from 1:10 to 1:40 per game for the entire group of 14 players. The banquet crowd once again stood and applauded the effort of the coach and the team.

The third and final slide demonstrated exactly why the entire team had received the Most Humble award for the 2008-2009 season. The title of the slide was "Scoring." The names of all 14 players were listed on the slide in alphabetical order. Beside each name appeared the phrase: "Points Scored: Zero"

During the full season, despite the approximately equal play time and the well-distributed ball time, not a single person on the team ever scored a single point. In fact, Coach Clement was proud to say, "Not a single player ever became arrogant enough to attempt a shot." At this point the crowd once again erupted in applause, but this time for a full 2 minute standing ovation.

Even near the end of the game, when free throws were mandatory after fouls, all Calvary Saintly Scholars humbly passed the ball to an opposing player rather than attempting to shoot.

Coach Clement concluded, "I am so proud of our team for their teamwork. I am so proud of their continuous consideration of others and willingness to pass the ball. I am not concerned that we did not win any games, because we do not want to create arrogant winners. I'm proud of these guys for coming out each and every game with a humble spirit and eagerness to pass the ball. On behalf of the team, I am proud to receive this Most Humble award." FULL STORY

Obama Proposes Government-Funded Salvation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -As part of a far-reaching restructuring of the United States of America, President Obama announced on Sunday that he is proposing government-funded salvation.

According to the president, "It just isn't right that some people are going to be saved while others aren't. We as a free society have the moral responsibility to see that all people have access to life after death. We, of course, will not force salvation upon anyone. We simply want to make it available to all people."

After pausing for applause, the president continued, "Some folks will be scared by this plan. They will think we are trying to take away the salvation they already have. I can honestly tell them that we have no desire to do that. We simply want to make eternal life readily accessible to all people regardless of belief, lifestyle choice, or background."

Obama went on, "Many will ask how we as a government plan to do this. It is a simple matter of restructuring, downsizing, and limiting waste. First, all churches will register with the government. Second, every American citizen (and undocumented worker) will be notified of three churches that are within driving distance of their residence. Third, and finally, churches will be required to accept and offer salvation to all who enter. No one will be denied salvation."

In conclusion, President Obama said, "We as a nation must take back the moral high ground. How can we take a stand for human rights and at the same time deny salvation to anyone? We must recognize that being saved is a fundamental right that is both implied and promised by the constitution of this great nation. Just as slaves were finally given freedom in the 1860's, today we are granting both spiritual freedom and salvation to all Americans and others. Regardless of what you believe or how you live, salvation will be yours free of charge." FULL STORY