09 February, 2007

Zondervan Introduces New "Serious Scholar's" Bible


Underlined passages, highlighted words, coffee spills, prayers written in the front, and torn pages - these are all the marks of a well-worn, well-read and well-used Bible. Many who carry such Bibles are admired and respected as the most pious and most devout of all Christians.

"There's the older gentlemen at our church and he's got notes written all inside his Bible." Said Alan Herth, a member of Second Avenue Baptist Church in Grand
Rapids. "His Bible is literally falling apart from use. I'm just ashamed to open my Bible around him. I read mine and all that, but I just don't have that much stuff written in it."

Many Christians like Herth have found themselves wrestling with a sense of spiritual inferiority when faced with the worn and torn pages of another believer's Bible.

To help ease this strain Zondervan Publishing now has plans to release a new Serious Scholar's Bible this fall.

"We are excited about this new product." Said Richard LaMont, the Bible's editor. "If you can buy jeans that look like they're old and worn, and if you can buy brand new furniture that looks like it's an antique already, why shouldn't you be able to buy a Bible that looks like it's already been read through 100 times?"

The Serious Scholar's Bible will feature a deluxe pre-worn antique leather binding with browned and frayed paper edges. On the inside front and back covers there will be multiple Bible verses printed to look as if they have been written by hand along with numerous quotes from the church Fathers, G.K. Chesterton, Charles Stanley, Norman Vincent Peale and the book The Prayer of Jabez. Each page of the Bible will include at least one marked passage of Scripture with some books containing large highlighted and noted sections.

"We even have notes and markings on the hard and obscure like Leviticus, 2 Chronicles and Nahum to really give the appearance of deep and profound study." Said LaMont. "Of course, Romans is highly marked along with the gospels, and Revelation includes many hand written charts, graphs and time lines that will really impress anyone who happens to glance at your open Bible."

The Serious Scholar's Bible will be available in black or brown leather with the choice of either a hard or soft cover at a price of $59.99.


Anonymous said...

Oh man, this is too much! I about fell out of my chair. This ranks up there with the bible written in pencil so you can erase the verses you don't care for.

Mike said...

Is it available in the TNIV paraphras... er... translation?

brent said...

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I envision you sitting at your desk with only the computer screen and a solitary lamp for lighting while typing in the late night hours giggling like a little girl as you write each line.

Team Tominthebox News Network said...


I'm sorry. Serious scholars only use the NASB or the ESV!


Your almost right on everything except one point...

...there are two lamps.


Shep Shepherd said...

No... if it were a serious scholars Bible, the notes would be written partly in English and partly in Koine Greek... :-) Now THAT would impress people.

Wait - are we supposed to read our Bibles to impress people? Hmm. I don't have the attention span to think about it.


Very funny article. I am still enjoying your blog immensely.

God bless,
The Aspiring Theologian

Chad V. said...

You know that's not all togeher an unlikely thing to come down the road. I repair guitars for a living and Fender makes guitars that are brand new but look as though they're 50 years old. The prized vintage guitars that so many players played are so coveted that Fender now makes guitars that have the finish worn off, rusty hardware, ciggarette burns on the peghead, the whole thing. They're called Relics. Wouldn't surprise me at all if Zondervon or Nelson came out with a bible version of the same.

Anonymous said...

I think this one is the funniest yet! Although I have to say I found myself wishing such a thing existed because you made me curious to read what heretical "notes" they would choose to put with it!

Stefan Ewing said...

Oh my goodness, this is so unbelievably funny! There should, of course, be marginalia in Hebrew, too, by the way. And at a whopping 60 bucks, the price is just about believable, too!

I just stumbled on your blog from a random posting on a(n) (Ana?)Baptist forum...wow, The Onion for devout Protestants! This is great stuff....