11 July, 2007

Christians Now Buy and Sell on "Eway"

Portland, OR - Old family Bibles, Veggie Tales VHS tapes, a spoon once used by Billy Sunday; these are all items that Christian bargain hunters and collectors can now find on a new website launched this past weekend known as Eway. Eway (pronounced "e-way") was founded by Mark Knickerbacher to be a "safe haven for Christians who want to buy and sell." Now, after a quick sign-up process, Christians can either be bidding on Christian items, or selling them to others.

"It was time that Christians had a safe place where they can do business on the internet" said Knickerbacher. "I've used Ebay for years to do my work, but just recently became convicted that it was wrong for me to do business on a website where other people are engaged in illicit deeds."
Some of the "illicit deeds" that concerned Knickerbacher were the sales of what he calls "questionable items" by others.

"Just recently I bought a some Thomas Kinkade prints from another seller, and I started looking at some of the other items he had for sale" he said. "It turned out that this guy was selling a set of beer glasses too! I was totally offended, so I canceled our transaction and never sent in payment. He got really upset with me and left me negative feedback, which I thought was uncalled for. So I left him negative feedback too warning people, 'Hey, watch out for this guy. Don't let the Thomas Kinkade stuff fool you!"

Eway automatically prohibits the buying or selling of any item deemed "inappropriate." But already Knickerbacher has received a number of complaints from people asking him why certain items are banned.
"We had to ban the iPhone" said Knickerbacher. "I know people really like them, and that they're cool gadgets, but I think that Apple's TV commercials are really smug and unchristian. So we won't be selling any Apple products at Eway including the iPhone."

In addition, the site also prohibits the sale of anything associated with Calvinism and Reformed theology.

"There was some guy selling a book of the collected sermons of George Whitfield" said Knickerbacher. "We're just not going to have that. Eway is going to be safe place. Calvinism is not Christianity, and nothin
g unchristian can be sold on the site."

Some other "unchristian" items include any and all Disney products, anything containing the words "Paris" or "Hilton," anything made in, sold from or produced in Canada, and anything remotely having to do with the Smurfs.

A quick survey of the Eway site by the TBNN staff revealed the following items currently being auctioned at the site,

* A set of ceramic doves from The Hour of Power - $0.99
* A complete set of Joyce Meyer books - $1.29
* An autographed Petra poster with record- $1.10
* 100 Lincoln cents blessed by Oral Roberts - $0.89
* An empty toothpaste tube once used by Joel Osteen - $39.00

While Eway has a long way to go before it reaches the same status of its secular likeness, the site appears to be doing well already having over 200 enrolled users.

"We're excited about the response so far" said Knickerbacher. "We hope things will pick up though. I've got plenty of stuff myself to sell, so I'll be heavily involved in the site too."


Anonymous said...

Way to go, Tom. :)

I bid $40 on the Joel Osteen toothpaste tube!

Elder Eric said...

I'm confused about the high price of the Osteen toothpaste tubes. According to the law of supply and demand, the prices should be low. After all, except for Les, I doubt that there will be much demand. And we all know that there must be a very large supply.


Seth Fuller said...

Clever. Is this a parody of a real Christian auction site Thomas?

theological satire

Anonymous said...

elder eric,

Perhaps that one particular tube is especially blessed and will be the key to my prosperity and blessing from the Lord! If so, I underbid! :)

Anonymous said...

It's too bad they are so restrictive, I had some Martin Luther beer steins and John Calvin wine glasses that I was hoping to sell.

Joshua A. Hitchcock said...

I noticed my blog has been zapped from the blogroll...any particular reason?

Brother Slawson said...

joshua, Have you been selling things on that vile eBay site? ;)

Uncle Ricky said...

I want the tooth brush not the tooth paste, someone call Joel now.

pilgrim said...

How will I get rid of all my Calvinist materials?

Unknown said...


Sorry 'bout that. Things got a little jumbled when I redesigned the site. Got it fixed.


Stefan Ewing said...

I like the 100 Lincoln cents for $0.89. Heh.

Anonymous said...

I like this one, I buy a lot of stuff on eBay, (Including all the Lemmings games (http://www.lemmings.millerpla.net) :) I liked the negative feed back thing. It's so funny how pointless all the feed back is.