09 January, 2008

Top Democratic Candidates Speak Out on Religious Views

Note: On Friday's edition of TBNN we will present the views of the top Republican candidates.

It is no secret who the top to contenders are for the Democratic nomination. Since the beginning of the Presidential campaign, Senators Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama have dominated the news. For both candidates, a White House win would mean a history-making first for the United States, Clinton being the first woman president, Obama being the first African-American to hold the office. Current polls show both candidates running neck-in-neck with one another, and both candidates are realizing that in order to win the nomination they are going to have to "beef up" their campains.

We here at TBNN, in order to help our readers be more informed during this election campaign time have asked both Senators to make brief statements regarding their religious views. They are as follows,

Senator Clinton:

"My fellow Calvinists, it was the great Puritan theologian John Owen who said 'Be killing sin, or it will be killing you.' How true those words are. How important it is for us to root out those things in our lives which so easily beset us that we may continue to fight the good fight.

I want you to know, especially this election season, that I stand for you, the Reformed community. Though I grew up in the Methodist tradition, I am proud to have known several Calvinists growing up. I'll never forget our neighbor down the street, a kind and gentle old lady every simply called 'Aunt Lola.' She went to a Presbyterian church, and she would always bring us chicken soup if she heard that one of us were sick. Though I never talked about theology with her, you could see her Calvinism pouring off of here, and though my theology might not necessarily be "Reformed" per se, I have always believed that I am a Calvinist in spirit.

With that in mind, I want to encourage you to "choose" me. I'll admit that I want to laugh a little bit when I say that because I know that Calvinists believe that everything has already been planned and ordained. So I then encourage you to simply participate in what has already been predestined to happen, that is my election as President of the United States. Thank you for your time, and support. By Grace, Hillary Clinton

Barak Obama:

"We live in an important time, at this juncture in our history. We find ourselves at the threshold looking outward to that which is greener and brighter. And so, it is imperative that we listen and function within that framework of livelihood and exuberance. Vitality is the key. Let us now grow weary, but labor on in the methods taught us. Let us fly forward to new heights of achievement and grace in our lives.

It was my grandmother who said to me, "Barak, there's no one who can say that." I remember those words. They were instilled in me at a young age, and I've tried to live by them every day. And I can tell you that with all honesty they have truly affected my life. I find comfort and peace daily. And we as Americans, as Christians, who hold dear that to which we have been holding find more than enough. Yes, more than enough that we should cherish those same ideals.

So I ask you, is not the choice clear? Seize that which is of essence and walk through the tunnel to its end. Sincerely, Barak Obama."


Joe Blackmon said...

Ok, I am confused. I thought this site was supposed to be about satire. I mean, anyone who knows Hillary would have to conclude she is a Calvanist at heart. That's why she didn't leave Bill. His affairs were predestined to happen so it wasn't his fault, right?

Haa haa. Good one.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I've never heard doctrine articulated so clearly as by Mr. Obama here. Great post: The photos and captions alone are worth a million. (A million what, I don't know, but they're real funny.)

Chris Latch said...

Wow, James was right! The devils do believe!

-insert shocked face here-

Shep Shepherd said...

Will the Republicans be Arminian?

Anonymous said...

I think the captions on the photos are best. :-) Maybe I have more in common with Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama than I thought...Owen is my favourite too!

Jim Pemberton said...

Yes - the captions did it for me. She doesn't look happy to be accused of holding to supra- and post-mil. I wonder what she would claim to be.