07 May, 2008

Scientist Discover Atheist Gene; Now Caught in Paradox

London, UK - Scientists in the United Kingdom announced on Tuesday the accidental discovery of what some are calling the "atheist gene." While doing research on cloning, scientists with the European Biological Research Institute (EBRI) claimed to have come across a gene within the human DNA structure that renders one incapable of believing in a superior being of any kind.

"It's quite amazing really," said Dr. Chauncy Lemmington, head fellow of the research program. "In the data that we've analyzed thus far it seems that everyone who either claims to be an atheist or strong agnostic has this specific gene, thus rendering him or her incapable of believing in any sort of higher power."

The discovery has raised concerns around the world amongst the scientific community, especially among those scientists committed to obliterating any and all notions that God exists.

"The whole notion quite foolish," said Dr. Mertroid Dulphoon of the Yilvon Center for Sumapatric Development in New York. "There is no need to argue or even consider the possibility that God exists. As vast as the universe is, science does know enough to accurately prove the disexistence of any kind of god or all-powerful being. Science is not interested in myth and speculation but in facts, like the theory of evolution, and the theory of the big bang, and the theory of the extermination of the dinosaurs by Planet X."

While some dismiss the find completely, others are finding themselves in somewhat of a "paradox" because of the discovery.

"I'll admit it's presented a bit of a conundrum for me," said Dr. Halifax Nordstrum-Kopphlephther, research fellow with EBRI. "We've used science, which is intrinsically atheistic to prove that our atheism is intrinsic to our DNA, and therefore we may either be intrinsically wrong or intrinsically right. Therefore, it's like pi or the square root of 2, or the fact that any given number can be divided infinitely yet two points of distance can be intersected (which are infinitely divisible numbers) without breaking down the intrinsic structure of..."

Note: At this point the interview suddenly stopped due to the fact that Dr. Nordstrum-Kopphlephther suddenly vanished.


MarieP said...

*snicker* That's great! In related news, scientists have discovered that the "God gene" is actually a normal part of the body and those who are missing it are products of mutation.

Anonymous said...

Just found this blog. It is just what I needed.
Keep it up guys! Humor deflates the pompous every time!

Darrin said...

"Dr. Halifax Nordstrum-Kopphlephther" - where did you get that?
2 sets of 4 consecutive consonants in one name - Outstanding!

Jerry Boyce said...

Your title is not accurate. Or so I thought.I almost thought the gene was caught in a pair of docs, but when I saw three doctors, I knew you meant "paradox". It makes sense now.