20 August, 2008

Episcopal Church Considers Ordaining Straight Male Clergy

Newark, NJ - Representatives of the Episcopal Church USA announced on Monday plans to begin allowing the ordination of straight males within the denomination. The news was received with mixed results within the denomination, but many reacted favorably to the news.

"I personally think it's wonderful," said Rev. Patricia Lauden-Phat-Wilkenson. "It's important that our denomination be seen as one that welcomes people from all walks of life, even straight males. They're no different from any of us really. They just want to serve God, and who are we to say they cannot fulfill that calling because of their gender or sexual orientation."

But while some celebrated the news, others were disappointed in the announcement and are already planning to voice protests.

"It's despicable," said Rev. Allison Porter-House-Nichols. "Our denomination is going to the dogs. If they start allowing the ordination of straight males, who knows what they'll allow next, like freaks who use the Bible."

Porter-House-Nichols went on to further state that she plans to stage a 1 hour "hunger strike" this Friday evening at 11:00PM at her parish in Newark to protest the decision.

"We plan to let those in charge know that we're not pleased with this decision," she stated. "If we need to we'll plan as many of these 1 hour hunger strikes that we need to in order to get our point across."


Nathan W. Bingham said...

"...who knows what they'll allow next, like freaks who use the Bible."


Regarding those hunger strikes...I'm glad they end just in time for a midnight snack!

MMM said...

Very funny!!!

theinscrutableone said...

Well, it's only fitting that straight males be included. Assuming that 50% of the population is female (gay and straight) and 5% is gay male, it's only right that the tiny 45% minority of straight males have at least a token representation in today's inclusive and affirming Episcopal church!

Tregonsee said...

Several years ago the CoE ordained a woman, Shannon Ledbette, who had been an actress. A Bond Girl, in fact. Many comments at the time that this was a an outreach to a long-neglected component of the population: the heterosexual male.


Uncle Toby said...


Bond girl, eh? I went to seminary with S. Ledbetter, was actually quite close to her. She wasn't an actress, and her moment of Bond fame consisted of walking by in an expensive dress. She didn't have a speaking part, or one of those cool Bond girl names, like Plenty O'Toole.
She was a petite model for a while, but I don't know how successful she was. I only saw her in one magazine. She pursued ordination in ECUSA, but it didn't take. She ended up working on a Ph.D in Liverpool, and from that somehow got herself ordained. I have no idea how she's doing as a priest. I can tell you that when I knew her, she seemed to expend a lot of energy in self-promotion.

pilgrim said...

Hilarious, but unfortunately things may just be going that way where this sort of thing could become reality.

And of course it would create controversy.