slop-ol-o-gy (slŏp-ŏl'ə-jē) noun, plural -gies 1. The study of slop
I came across this jewel whilst perusing the internet the other day. Brother Grice here appears to be a rising star in the magical land of IBFdom. Listen closely here as he mounts up for battle and viciously attacks a straw man called "Calvinism."
Warning: You might not want to have your speakers up too loudly as Bro. Grice is found of sudden changes in volume.
squir-me-neu-tics (skwûrm'mə-nōō'tĭks) n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb) 1. the science of misinterpretation, esp. of the Scriptures, to such a degree that it causes listeners with any common sense to squirm. 2. misinterpretation of the Scriptures so absurd that it causes one to question whether or not it could possibly be for real.
Well, it's once again time for our old friend "pastor" Steven Anderson. In case you forgot, some time ago Steven bought us a comprehensive theology of masculine bathroom etiquette. Now Steven blesses us with this tidbit of theological wizardry on why Jesus wore pants and not a robe.
Now, before you watch this, be forewarned. You're IQ is about to drop. While there is a lot out there in the world of theology that irks me, I'm coming to the conclusion that there is really something clinical going on here. This is beyond your annoying fundamentalist rant. This is mental disability. Think I'm being to harsh? Just watch.
Peoria, Illinois - "I'm part of the solution now," says Peter Cardwell as he proudly opens up his Facebook profile. At just 31 years old, Cardwell is determined to make a real impact for the Kingdom through the use of Facebook groups and causes. From his mother's basement in Peoria, Cardwell rises each morning about 11:00 and spends 12 to 14 hours per day on what he calls his "mission field."
"I started doing this about 2 years ago after I lost my job at Subway," said Cardwell. "I started this group called 'Just Because I Lost My Job, I'm Not Losing Faith' and about 9 people joined, so I began thinking this could really take off in a big way."
After that Cardwell began spending more and more time on Facebook, each day starting new groups and causes, making more friends and inviting people to join his "missionary" endeavors. He now administrates over 4000 groups and has started over 6000 causes. Some examples of his groups include:
The Former Christian Employees of Subway Network - 3 members Let's Finally Overturn Roe vs. Wade - 6 members Christians United Against Hugo Chavez - 2 members Let Your Kids Join Facebook this Sunday, They Need and Deserve It! - 4 members Believers Who Want to Leave Britney Alone - 75 members
Since he started spending more and more hours on Facebook each day Cardwell has dropped out of church, choosing rather to sacrifice his Sundays in order to spread the gospel.
"I did go to church occasionally before all of this got started, but I really believe that this is my true calling in life" he said. "There's a lot of hurting people out there on Facebook who are looking for a group to plug into. I don't really care if each group doesn't get that big. It's not about numbers."
Cardwell is currently being supported by his 59-year-old mother, Patricia Cardwell, and says that he has no plans to go back to work in the "secular world" anytime soon.
"I'm devoted to this. This is my calling, and I have no plans to quit. You wouldn't up and ask a missionary to Africa to quit what he's doing and come back home to work at McDonald's would you? It's hard work sitting here all day for hours on end with nothing but pizza, fried chicken, Oreos, potato chips and Dr. Pepper to keep me going, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice."
slop-ol-o-gy (slŏp-ŏl'ə-jē) noun, plural -gies 1. The study of slop
The absurd and far-out are no strangers to TBNN. But every now and then a little something comes along that defies any laws of stupidity. The laws of stupidity state that something can only be so ridiculous before people with an IQ of at least 12 will say "Okay, that just doesn't make any sense."
Take a look at this video posted by Alpha and Omega Ministries. It contains a radio clip by a KJV-Only extremist by the name of Gail Riplinger. For those of you who don't know about her, she's written several "books" on the subject, all filled with inaccuracies and stuff that I'm convinced she just plain made up. I've always thought Gail Riplinger to be a bit "out there", but now I'm convinced that there's something clinical going on. Just google her name and you'll see.
So here's the video.
WARNING! TBNN takes no responsibility if your IQ drops from watching this. What you're about to see is absolutely STUPID. Not just "stupid" but "stoooooopiiiiiiid!"
Note: I thought that during this time of hiatus that I'd go back and pick out some of my old favorites. These posts are not necessarily ones that were the most popular when they were originally posted, but they were ones that I liked doing.
ST. PETERSBURG, MARYLAND
The Reverend Steve Roman has been the pastor of First Baptist Church St. Petersburg for almost ten years. While loved by his congregation for his charm, whit and devotion to his people, Roman has begun to struggle over the past few years with an inability to come up with sermon illustrations that remotely make sense.
"It all began about four years ago." Said Roman. "I'm not sure what happened, but suddenly I just couldn't come up with a sermon illustration anymore that was clear. It was as if I used up all my good ones during my first six years of ministry and just ran out of stories to tell. It seems that no matter how hard I try anymore everyone is just baffled by the point I'm trying to make."
In a recent sermon delivered by Roman on Joshua 6 and the defeat of Jericho by Israel, he stated,
"The fall of the walls of Jericho was like when you're eating a bag of chips on your couch. You're relaxed and calm, you're looking for the remote, and you don't want to be disturbed, and suddenly the dog just jumps into your lap or the phone rings and you have to get up. It bothers you because it shakes up your relaxation. And when Jericho's walls fell it really shook the wicked people of that city off of their couches. We really need to be shaking people's couches."
"I just can't seem to get my illustration sense back." Said Roman. "When I'm up there in the pulpit what I'm saying seems to make sense, but then after I say it I can see the utter confusion on everyone's faces. When I go back and listen to the recordings I just ask myself 'What were you thinking?'"
Unfortunately, the problem has extended beyond Roman's illustrations to his analogies also. Some recent excerpts from his sermons revealed the following comparisons,
"The flood came upon the land like a bucket of bloated whale blubber." "The wickedness of Ahab was worse than all the cars in China." "David looked upon Bathsheba with lust, like a cat in a hail storm." "Noah's Ark was huge, like a big boat."
"We so want to support him." Said member Amber Lee. "We love him, and we know he means well, but I honestly haven't understood a single one of his sermons for months now. I don't know if he can read some books or something to get better, but something needs to be done."
In an effort to hopefully remedy the situation Roman plans to take a three month sabbatical this summer to spend time coming up with some new illustrations.
"I've just lost my touch, and I need to get it back." Said Roman. "Hopefully this summer I'll be able to get some thoughts organized, possible have some funny things happen to me so that I'll be able to communicate with my people again. Being this way is like falling out of a tree while eating an apple."
slop-ol-o-gy (slŏp-ŏl'ə-jē)
