K-Love Switches to Exclusive A Cappella Psalmody

Sacramento, California

Many American Christians were shocked on Friday morning as they turned on their radios.  The popular radio station known as "K-Love" had suddenly switched from their familiar format of contemporary Christian music (CCM) and praise and worship music to a cappella unaccompanied psalms, with recordings taken from various congregations of the Free Church of Scotland.

"I was expecting Chris Tomlin when I loaded up the kids for school this morning." Said Kathy Valen, mother of four.  "Instead I got a jarring rendition of Psalm 109:10, 'Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places.' My kids were just a little freaked out, and I'll admit, I was too."

All around the country on the various repeater stations people were baffled, checking their radios, switching stations and visiting the K-Love website to make sure everything was okay. The station was flooded with calls all day long, especially when the daily "Encouraging Word" was replaced with sermons of the late Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones.

TBNN tried to reach someone at the station for comment.  One DJ who asked to remain anonymous stated only that, "The change is likely to be permanent" and that "We will be shutting down every Sunday in observance of the Sabbath."

I Read These Guys in Seminary

Some will get it, some will not.

My Coming Out

It's not the first time the couple has gotten dirty looks.  As they board the plane people stare, some try to hide their disgust and displeasure, while others make no pretense and openly roll their eyes in disapproval. Some shift nervously in their seats trying to hide their "Please don't sit next to me!" look, while others go so far as to change seats. This awkward scenario is not confined merely to airplanes. They've experienced this same attitude before in restaurants, stores, public events and even some churches. There are sadly even some businesses with policies that openly discriminate against them, restaurants with signs reading "not allowed" and "unwelcome." Even in a city like Portland, Oregon that prides itself on tolerance and acceptance, this happy couple still faces the daily looks and public ridicule simply because of who they are.

Some people have thankfully become more tolerant, and some more welcoming and affirming of couples like this realizing that they didn't choose to be this way. What right does anyone have to deny them a happy and fulfilled life?  What right does the government have to interfere or businesses deny services? Why are they so often despised by others around them simply because they have a different identity? Shouldn't they have the same rights as everyone else?

Such is the life of parents of small children.

I'm coming out proudly today.  I'm a parent.  I didn't choose to be a parent. I was born with a strong and powerful desire to have children, raise them, love them, care for them and see them become mature adults. It's my "orientation." It's my insurmountable natural desire to have children. 

I first noticed this desire when I was a just a child. At first I didn't understand these feelings and emotions, but as I grew I became more aware of who I was inside. Throughout my college years many around me talked of "living free" or would say things like "I'm never having kids."  I would sometimes go along with them fearing ridicule if I were to let them know that I hoped to have five or six kids one day. But I finally had to come to grips with who I was.  I was a man who wanted to get married and have lots of children one day. I wanted little kids sitting around a family table eating bowls of Cheerios. I dreamed of Saturdays playing in parks followed by ice cream afterward. I smiled thinking about one day traveling with my family on trips to different places, pushing them around in shopping carts at the store, homeschooling them, and lots of kisses at night. 

Today, even in the year 2013, people like us are still facing discrimination.  The scowls grow more and more each day. Simply entering a public venue with a kid in tow can illicit looks of ashen horror on the faces of others as they anxiously ponder the possibility that the child might do something disgusting and offensive like make noise or cry.  And heaven forbid if a couple dares have more than three children.  At this point society feels obligated to dictate to such parents what they should do behind closed doors in the privacy of their own homes.  A society that dares not tell others what they should and shouldn't do in their bedrooms, suddenly can tell such couples that they "have too many kids" are "contributing to overpopulation" and that homeschooling their kids is "dangerous" and "narrow minded."  

No, I didn't choose to be a parent.  I was born this way, and what right does anyone have to deny me the fulfillment of my happiness, to be who I really am?

NIV "Recreational Use" Bible Sparks Controversy

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON

Churches all along the West Coast and the Pacific Northwest are at odds over a new NIV study bible that is suspiciously named "for recreational use."

The Bible features the letters "NIV" on the cover made of some kind of leaf along with a peculiar picture of a very relaxed man. The study notes include an odd mix of seemingly random items and bits of information including over a hundred blank brightly colored pages, unusual recipes such as one entitled No-Bake Cheese Puff Casserole. Also included is a map of the state of California. And every copy comes with a chance to win a free trip to Amsterdam.

"Something just seems fishy about this particular Bible," said pastor Timothy Evans of Cougar Creek Bible Church in Cougar, Washington.  "I can't seem to put my finger on it exactly, but there's just something not right."

While some are suspicious, others are openly accepting the new Bible.

"We think it's fantastic!" said Todd Nelson, pastor of The Open Door Come As You Are Relevant House of Healing Fellowship in Portland, Oregon. "This Bible will touch people in special ways. We see people reading this that would probably never read the Bible otherwise. We really want to see more and more people having the opportunity to get spiritual highs."

Crystal Cathedral Will Just Become a Krystal

GARDEN GROVE, CA

In 2012 mounting debt, infighting and a lack of funding brought Crystal Cathedral Ministries, founded by Robert Schuller, to bankruptcy.  With money dry, attendance and donations down, the iconic "Crystal Cathedral" could no longer be sustained.  The building was made nationally and internationally famous by Schuller's weekly "Hour of Power" that included famous musicians and singers, interviews with famous celebrities, and sixty to ninety seconds of Schuller talking about something called the Bible.  The show also offered great opportunities to give to the ministry, enticing people's generosity with tempting knick-knacks such as hand-packaged high-quality plastic sculptures of a mother eagle majestically protecting her young as the light of creation bursted forth from behind her glorious wings (your gift with a donation of $100).

The building was sold to the Catholic Diocese of Orange County with the intention that it would be used as a Catholic Church, but TBNN has recently learned that  plans have changed.

"After long and difficult deliberation the Diocese has decided that the property will be best utilized commercially as a Krystal Hamburger restaurant." Said Fr. Paul Webb, who has been appointed head of the transition committee for the property.

The popular restaurant is known for its small, bit-sized hamburgers comprised of an all-beef 1/64 lb. patty, a four-inch tall bun, two rice-sized pieces of onion, one pickle, several dots of mustard, and 1/4 cup of catchup, all of which, for some reason, takes a baffling 25 minutes to make from the time of ordering.  Despite the fact the burgers resemble what a twenty-year-old bachelor might put together with random ingredients found in his apartment cabinets, they are very popular, and Krystal franchises continue to expand into new markets.

Webb went on to further explain:

"We thought of turning into a Catholic Church, but as we began to consider our other options and look at the numbers, the idea of a restaurant popped into our heads.  Someone spoke up and said "Wouldn't it be funny if Krystal wanted to move in?' He was only joking, but we all thought it was brilliant.  We immediately contacted Krystal."

It wasn't until almost a month later that an agreement was reached.  By the end of this summer the current Crystal Cathedral congregation will be moving out, and what will become the largest Krystal restaurant in the world will be moved in.

"We're very very excited about this new location," said Ron Whittsetter, regional director for Krystal. "We'll be able seat almost 1000 people in our new location.  On top of that we'll still have the pipe organ, so we're hoping that people will begin to look at us in a little bit of a different light. We can just imagine couples coming here and having romantic dinners as the pipe organ plays.