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Team Tominthebox News Network® is a satirical online blog written by Tom Slawson, V. Carlos Slawson Jr., Eric Carpenter and Bill Harris. All names of people or places mentioned in stories are fictional, except when a public figure is being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this blog is Copyright 2008 by Team Tominthebox News Network. Transmission of and linking to articles ore materials found at this site is encouraged. ARTICLES, GRAPHICS OR AUDIO CLIPS MAY NOT BE ALTERED OR CHANGED, AND THIS SITE MUST BE REFERENCED VIA A LINK TO THIS SITE. The purpose of this blog is to make a point through the use of satire. Soli Deo Gloria!
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09 July, 2007

Cable Company Goes TBN 24/7 for Delinquent Customers

Knoxville, TN- Cable Pro of Knoxville has for years had to put man hours and money into the problem of cable company clients who were delinquent in their payments. The practice has traditionally been that cable customers who persisted in not paying their bills would, after three notices, have their cable service cut off until their account was settled. While this practice has been successful in rooting out non-paying customers, it still costs the company an estimated $60,000 per year in lost time, and man hours.

But recently Cable Pro president, Larry Maezell experimented with a new idea that has so far been very successful. Now, instead of canceling a person's service, or sending him or her repeated notices of delinquency, Cable Pro simply changes a customer's subscription preferences resulting in his or her service becoming 24 hours of the Trinity Broadcasting Network on every channel.

"It's worked beautifully" said Maezell. "In the past we'd have to try and try to get in touch with the people who weren't paying, try and get our man out there to cut off their service. It was just a big hassle. Now, they call us!"

Cable Pro customer Chris Kjos was one of the first to experience Cable Pro's new policy.

"All I wanted to do was watch a little golf on Sunday afternoon" said Kjos. "I turned on my set and all I saw was this lady with big poofy hair singing. I just thought the cable company had switched up all the channels again. So I changed the channel, and it was the same thing on every channel. When I called the cable company they said I hadn't paid up my bill in over a month."

Now, "like clockwork" customers who are behind on their payments for cable services usually call the company within 24 hours wondering what is wrong with their cable service, only to told that they must pay up if they wish to have any channels other that TBN.

"This is the greatest idea we've had in a long time" said Maezell. "We've literally saved thousands of dollars. And last week when TBN ran the non-stop Benny Hinn marathon people were calling in so fast we couldn't keep up."

While a number of cable customers have complained that Cable Pro's practice amounts to "cruel and unusual" measures, Maezell has no plans to change.

"The rule stands" he said. "Either pay your bill or all you'll be watching is TBN, twenty-four-seven."

10 comments:

Les said...

Ha Ha!! What a smart cable company!
My favorite - "All I wanted to do was watch a little golf on Sunday afternoon. I turned on my set and all I saw was this lady with big poofy hair singing."
Don't know why, but that just hit my funny bone...especially after enduring...I mean, viewing, some of those broadcasts.

W.A. Foote said...

WOW! I guess there must be some truth to the prosperity massage.

All these people couldn't pay their bill. But as soon as they watched TBN, a miracle they had the money they needed that very day. HALLELUJAH!!!!

Sewing said...

Very clever.

Seth F said...

Look at Hinn's intense gaze. Something about it just makes me want to pull out my wallet. =)

Seth
whatum.com

Fred said...

Foote, I've never had a prosperity massage. Where can I get one?

Brian Hamrick said...

This is exactly why my wife and I signed up for the AutoDeduct electronic debit BillPay. This is never going to happen to me again!

Fred said...

I'm switching to satellite!!!!!!!

W.A. Foote said...

Fred,

Paul Crouch offers prosperity massages to anyone that will plant a seed of Faith.(not sure of the exact dollar amount) Every Tuesday at one of the many TBN studios.

Sorry for the misspell. sometimes auto correct is not my Friend.

Rhett said...

LOL!!!!

Bill said...

I thought "TBN" stood for "The Blasphemy Network"?

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