Woodsville, Washington - Pastor William Herliksen is finding himself in a bit of a "faith crisis" these days. Herliksen, who has pastored Bible Believers Baptist Church for the past twelve years has made two things the primary focus of his ministry."We do two things here at BBBC" said Herliksen. "We lift up the King James Bible above all, and we follow only what Paul teaches."
Under Herliksen's leadership the church has adopted a KJV-only position that even some who advocate only using the King James Bible find "radical." Some of those views taken directly form BBBC's statement of faith include,
- One cannot be saved with any other version of the Bible other than the King James
- All translations into other languages must be made from the King James Bible
"I became instantly concerned" stated Herliksen. "I was almost certain that my Bible spelled the word 'neighbor.'"
Herliksen pondered the problem for some time and waited until his wife woke up to retrieve his Bible.
"As soon as I walked in the living room Bill just shot up off of the couch and tore into the bedroom" said wife Lillian. "No 'good morning' or anything."
Upon retrieving his Bible Herliksen's "worst fears" were confirmed. In his Bible, the Bible that he had used for over 30 years, it read "neighbor" and not "neighbour." Upon further investigation, Herliksen soon discovered that his own copy of the KJV was a misprint.
"I was devastated" said Herliksen. "That was the Bible I was reading when I supposedly got saved. That's the Bible I've preached from for over 30 years."
The crisis for Herliksen now is this; because of the typo his Bible cannot technically be called a real "King James Bible" thus nullifying all of his ministry including preaching, teaching and personal reading. But more frightening to Herliksen than anything else is the possibility that he has missed salvation altogether because of the mistake.
"This means that the Bible I was reading when I got saved was not really a King James Bible. I'm probably not even saved. This means that the Bible I have been preaching from to people all of these years has not really been a King James Bible, and that means all of those people who have walked the aisle are not really saved either. I've spent the past 30 years using a Satanic translation."
Since making the discovery Herliksen has resigned his position as pastor of BBBC.
"I don't know what I'm going to do now" stated Herliksen. "I'm still going to the church each week, but I just don't know if I can be forgiven of this sin. I've gotten another Bible, but I'm so scared that there might be another typo in it. My eternal destiny rests upon me actually reading the exactly right and perfect translation. How can I know that I have that? How can I be certain?"
12 comments:
You really help me get started some days -- hysterical post.
Oh my ... there is nothing more effective at showing a ridiculous proposition than to let it play out to its logical conclusion. This is brilliant stuff :-)
Robin
Must we use a 1611 facsimile edition or will a modern print KJV work?
He shouldn't worry - English spelling wasn't standardized until the 18th century, so the A.V. translators didn't care about 'correct' spelling. As long as it sounded like the right word ('Beleeve' is one of my favourite A.V. spellings), they used it. My own family name has a number of very interesting variants on the family graves.
Great, Tom.
There are so many people in my church's organization who believe stuff like that.
the question i have always wanted answered was which publisher's KJV is the correct one? each is different, especially ones printed in the UK.
Ever read the comic book on the KJV by Chick Publishing? it is hillarious.
This is funny because I was just looking for a Dave Hunt photo to see where he'd fit in the good looks/bad theology post, and I found his "Berean Call" website, where they offer a Bible like this. It says: "This attractive edition preserves the original 1611 edition word for word and page for page."
Doef the 1611 edition ufe the old verfion of the Englifh f? Caufe if it doefn't, it ifn't the real King Jamef Bible.
To answer Joe's question, the 1611 edition does indeed spell like that.
Awesome post...but not satire. I know a guy in the ministry that loves using this logic:
"We know the King James is a perfect translation of the preserved word of God. Thus, we know the Textus Receptus is the preserved word. How do we know beyond all doubt? Because it underlies the King James Bible."
Um....(scratching head).
Don't get me wrong; I'm a KJV guy. But I'm well aware of the limitations of translation and also of the respectability of textual criticism. It's guys like 'Herliksen' that make me want to jump ship and pick up a NASB, lol.
As to the ability to be saved only through the King James? That's utterly retarded and akin to the Jews claiming that the Gentiles couldn't be saved apart from circumcise. At what point does the KJV-only crowd go from misguided to a works-involved salvation?
Just goes to prove--Americans spell incorrectly--it is neighbour, colour, cheque, etc.
And center is the middle of something, and centre is a place (as in COmmunity Centre.)
Oh, and the last letter of the alphabet is "zed"
(Thanks, that was fun.)
Caleb, any KJVO person will tell you that it's the Cambridge edition. And Pilgrim, 'Center' is just plain wrong (actually all this is because... there were no 'right' spellings until the 18th century). The 1611 edition of the A.V. is a mere relic, with its odd spellings, typography, etc. Fun, though.
This is dumb. If you did a simple maquest search, there is no such place as Woodsville, Washington. Therefore, the story, and the theological position, is false.
Dear Anon,
Ahem, if you'd take about two seconds to look at the logo at the top of the page you'll see the words "theological satire" printed there. If you don't know what those words mean just go to "dikshunarie" dot com. That way you want have to waste time looking up things on "maquest" so you can call our site "dumb."
-Tom
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