20 April, 2007

Man Aspires to be Missionary to the Extremely Wealthy


Patrick Morgan has wanted to be a missionary since he was 10 years old and met some missionaries to Africa on furlough at his home church in Dover. He majored in history during his college years, and then went on to study missions at seminary. But after seminary he went to work not doing what he had always dreamed of doing but working as a manager of a restaurant in his hometown. Now at age 36 Morgan again feels the pull to the mission field. This time, though, the calling is not to Africa or even to a foreign country. Morgan feels that he is called to be a missionary to the extremely wealthy in Beverly Hills, California.

"I know it sounds crazy." Said Morgan. "But those people need the gospel too. I've prayed a lot about where I should go, and Beverly Hills just keeps coming up over and over again."

Morgan recently presented his idea to the deacons and pastor of his home church, Lighthouse Baptist Church in Dover, but the idea was not well-received.

"We were excited when Patrick said he felt called to the mission field, and we were ready to support him fully." Said deacon Alec Fryer. "But when he started telling us about where he wanted to go and how much it was going to cost, he lost us completely."

As it turns out, in order for Morgan to fulfill his "vision" he will need to raise at least $5 million dollars a year, plus an extra $8 million dollars to make an initial purchase on a mansion in Beverly hills.

"I've found a lovely place right next door to actor Jackie Chan that I think would be perfect." Said Morgan. "The other $5 million will go towards clothes, cars eating out, and joining a number of prominent organizations such as country clubs, health clubs and such. I'll also budget some vacations in there too."

But for the time being Morgan's vision is just that, a vision. He has so far been unable to raise any money towards going.

"Things have not been going too well thus far." He Said. "My own home church will not even support me in this, nor have I found anyone else willing to help. It just upsets me, here I am willing to go and take the gospel to all people and no one will support me at all. I'm going, but there's no one sending."

Contributions can be made to Morgan's mission endeavors by contacting the Tominthebox News Network.


martha said...

i laughed so hard reading this, i could hardly stop! to think he needed "only" $5 million a year for support! ha! m

Anonymous said...

About 25 years ago, I saw a little, limited-edition magazine called "Shun." It was a Mennonite humor magazine (not a big circulation, obviously). One of the continuing articles I remember was a monthly report from a Mennonite Voluntary Service unit in Beverly Hills--along the lines of "it's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it." Very funny (theirs and yours).

Colin Maxwell said...

Why doesn't he reply to those dozens of "I'm the widow of..." emails we all get everyweek. The last I actually read one, I think it was €36,000,000. Enough to do him until he came home in furlough.

Stefan Ewing said...

Ah, the missional church (or whatever)...folks coming over from Phil Johnson's blog should appreciate this one.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you good people are putting this good man down! It would seem that if anyone needs saving it would be those satanic heathens in your so-called Holywood. You can bet I will be doing my part and will send as much money as I can from my own friends here in Nigeria, eventually. However, I will be needing someone to aid in transfering the monies to a US bank account, because of the banking laws of my country. If you will send me your bank account and social security numbers, I will transfer the first $53 million I have collected. I am making this offer only to you, so please don't share the information with anyone else, especially not your local law enforcement.

Your future friend,
Dr Maris Nekeson,

PS: remember, do not tell your local law enforcement. Or... they will want in on it. or steal it. or something bad. Don't forget.

Richard said...

Dr. Nekeson,

My account number is 1234567898765, and I would love to help you out. If you need my pin, it is 4321.

As we're not to be unequally yoked, though, I must make sure you're saved.

Please, repeat this prayer after me...

Sincerely, you new brother in Christ,

R. Boyce