14 December, 2007

Happerry Holihanukkwanzamas!

It's a very special time of year, and we here at TBNN want to stop and take a moment to wish everyone a very Happerry Holihanukkwanzamas! "What is Holihanukkwanzamas?" you ask. It's simple. We recognize that not everyone believes in Jesus Christ, and so we feel it is important to accommodate those people, so that they don't feel left out of the celebrations. Therefore we've invented a holiday for everyone.

The concept behind Holihannukkwanzamas is simple. We begin with combining the words "happy" and "merry" to produce "happerry." Now we know that's not a word, but hey when it comes to modifying a centuries-old celebration, we think of it as baking. Sometimes you have to substitute ingredients to get something to turn out better. No one says "Merry Hanukkah" so we couldn't say "Merry Holihanukkwanzamas" now could we? So we combined the two words.

Then we took the four main celebrations that usually go on this time of year and just combined them into one big celebration! First, there's non-religious people who simply refer to this time of year as the "holidays." Next are our Jewish friends who celebrate Hanukkah (or Chanukah if
you can get the little gutteral thing going in the back of your throat just right.) After that comes the newest biggest politically-correct holiday on the market, Kwanzaa. Dating all the way back to the year 1966 and invented by a political activist, Kwanzaa is more and more taking America by storm with its rich, moving time-honored traditions. And finally, there's Christmas. While probably the best-known of the bunch, it now no longer stands as the leader of the pack, but rather takes its place amongst equals.

Over the next few weeks we invite you to share this amazing new celebration with us here at TBNN as we teach you about the practices and traditions associated with this rich holiday. So keep checking back frequently, and in the meantime, Happerry Holihanukkwanzamas to you and your family, friends, live-in partners and anyone you've married in the state of Massachusetts or California.


Elder Eric said...


I'm not sure if this new celebration is accommodating enough for our pagan friends. Could you add something more specific about the winter solstice?


Johnny Techno said...

I prefer Hanuchristmakwanzadan.

spankey said...

When will the airing of grievances take place?

Anonymous said...

As a Buddhist I would be highly offended at your callous exclusion of my faith but I am much too busy trying to clap with one hand in order to get me legs to cross in that really enlightening way.

Anonymous said...

We're enjoying our ongoing Advent celebration with candles and verses each night. We also lit the Menorah this past week since my wife was raised Jewish. So we had a happy Adukkah, or Hanukkvent, I suppose.

Chris Latch said...

The local news station had an ad this morning where some of the news anchors were visitng with local kids at school, asking them about how they celebrated Kwaanza and Hannuka.

No mention of Christmas.

It appeared to be a PR stunt, because later, during the actual news broadcast, the dialogue between anchormen was full of references to Christmas.