31 March, 2008

California Court Rules "Parents Have No Rights to Raise Their Kids"

Berkeley, Ca - In a shocking turn of events a Berkeley California Court has ruled that parents in the state have no legal rights to raise their own kids. The ruling was handed down on Wednesday by Judge William LaHelm. The ruling comes just weeks after a controversy concerning a law that threatened the legality of homeschooling. Those in support of that law also supported the recent ruling.

"Times are different these days than they were 200 years ago," said LaHelm in his ruling. "It is clear that parents are incapable of taking care of their own children. So many kids are being brainwashed with religious superstition, hate and discrimination against homosexuals, and other nonsense. This is now a job for the government to take care of to ensure the peace and order of our society."

The law has not yet gone into effect, and numerous court battles are expected. But if the law passes parents will be required to deliver their kids to specified locations where they will be taken into the custody of the state.

"If the law takes effect, parents will have one month to get everything together for their kids" said state representative Mary Harrington-Long. "The state will setup special boarding schools where kids will be taught the importance of tolerance, justice and veganism."

TBNN has learned that plans are already on the table for the building of 2200 new boarding schools as well as converting older schools into the new boarding facilities. Children will remain in the schools until the age of 18 when they will be free to leave. During their tenure at the schools they will learn important subjects such as environmentalism, womyn's rights, alternative lifestyles and the best of Cher's music.

"This shows tremendous progress for our great state," said Berkeley City Council member Patrick Winn. "I believe that children are our future, so we need to teach them well and let them lead the way, we need to show them all the beauty they posses inside."


latebloomer said...

Brilliant! The scary part is how much the line of argumentation follows real liberal reasoning in other public arenas. I especially love the closing quote. It's truly profound and yet so... familiar.

Ken said...

No, not Cher! Anything but Cher.

Darrin said...

"... important subjects such as environmentalism, womyn's rights, alternative lifestyles and the best of Cher's music"

That's exactly what we've been using for our homeschool curriculum!

We even taught them to spell womyn like that!

Thank you, CA!

(Do you think "best of Cher" must mean "Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves"? Cause that's what we're using.)

Darrel Davis said...

This should be filed under "Way too close to the truth"

Peter Carey said...

Love it....I remember the times when parents just left the neighborhood to raise kids - or wolves - and our kids turned out better (I guess)...

Bring back Will Smith's "Parents Just Don't Understand!"'


Colin said...

Rousseau would be so proud...

But after the CA case, and LB 1411 here in Nebraska (that, thank God, died in committee), this one is rather too close to the truth...

Keep up the good work! I found Tominthebox after a Google search for Charles Finney brought up NetFinney, and I introduced y'all to my online classmates with Patrick Henry College. A few of us are faithful readers. We love it; keep satirizing our modern-day Pharisees and Sadducees, that their foolishness may be evident to all. And all to the glory of our Lord!

Sola Gratia,

Jim Pemberton said...

[Warning! Bad pun ahead.]

I thought kids were supposed to be taught to Cher with each other.

[Ok - now for some satura jugis in inconcinnus:]

The good news is that there will be new jobs available as dorm parents, cooks, dorm maintenance and cleaning personnel as well as case workers. You could get paid to look after your own kids in a home you don't have to pay for and not be responsible for how badly they turn out. Although I can't say as to who is going to foot the bill.