14 March, 2008

Chinese House Churches Adopt KJV-Only Position

Zhongmu, China - A recent flurry of theological change has swept the Chinese secretive house church movement. A Chinese pastor, simply known as "Pastor Zheng" (full name withheld for safety reasons) told TBNN that because of recent convictions after reading literature by prominent KJV-only advocates that he and most other house church pastors have come to the conclusion that the King James Version of the Bible is the only accurate Bible in the entire world.

"The arguments are very obvious and the conclusions more serious" said Zheng. "After reading literature by such persons as Dr. Ruckman and Mrs. Riplinger I cannot help but say that the King James Bible is the only true Bible in the world today. All other translations, including our own Chinese translation must be corrupted, filled with errors. Therefore we in the house church movement of China will use only the King James Bible."

While Zheng is, overall, very excited about the change he does admit that there are some problems, namely that less than %0.10 of all house church attendees are able to understand English.

"My ability to speak English is rare amongst our people" said Zheng. "But that doesn't negate the fact that we must use this Bible no matter what. If we don't then no one can be saved."

Beginning last Sunday believers from all over the house church movement threw away their "corrupt" Chinese Bibles and picked up their brand new KJV 1611 editions that were passed out.

"I do not understand English" said one elderly woman through a translator. "But they say that this Bible I have here is the only true translation of the word, that it is perfect, and that if I want to go to heaven I must read from this Bible. It will be difficult because I am old, but I will try."


Anonymous said...

Fun stuff. Next thing you know we'll move past national pastors and start making our forigen language missionaries KJVO.

Eric said...


I remember posting on TBNN about one church in Rome, GA that is offering ESL classes to help with these issues (post date - August 14, 2007). Now, if we could just get some of these folks from China to fly to Georgia to learn English, preferably 17th century English, then they would be in great shape!

-Elder Eric

Peter Kirk said...

Eric, perhaps we can find a remote area somewhere to send those Chinese folks where they still speak more or less KJV style. In rural Yorkshire here in England they still use "thee" and "thou". But I guess there are places in the States where people are even more behind the times - I mean, even more faithful to the holy language of the KJV.

UncleChicken said...

You know, I heard a guy once say we should translate all foreign Bibles from the KJV - even modern Greek.

I'm seriously thinking of becoming NET-only. Well, not really, but it would be fun.

Darrin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
James Kubecki said...

NET-only, unclechicken?

That's blasphemy. NASB only is the only "only" way to go...

Veritas Valebit said...

How about Message-Only?

I get tired of all of those heretics praying to God to give them their daily bread. The Message is so much more specific: God has to give us THREE SQUARE MEALS.

Seriously, that's what it says. I mean, I usually only have two cause I skip breakfast

But anyway,

I'm horribly off topic, so I'll shut up.

Anonymous said...

"If it's good enough for John the Baptist, it's good enough for me!"

So disturbing when you consider the fact that King James persecuted protestants (and his son was even worse...)

And, of course, the reformed highlanders would repay the favor by persecuting Baptists...

Oh, dear. We're pretty messed up. That's why we don't have ULIP.

Coach C said...

perfect post about the perfect translation

Mike Westfall said...

> So disturbing when you consider the
> fact that King James persecuted
> protestants

The KJV might as well be the Quran.

The Geneva Bible is the only true Word of God!

Yuelan said...

I'm a missionary to China, currently on furlough. Normally, I could not post here for security reasons while in that country. This is one of the few blogs here that I haven't found funny. That's because it is all true. The KJV fanatics have already come, have already infiltrated the underground church, and are pushing the exact things mentioned in this satire posting. Even the "quote" from the elderly lady at the end was dead on. Scary.