26 April, 2007

New "Rapture Ready" Public Service Announcements Hit Airwaves


For Fellowship Church of God in Little Rock "community outreach" means more than just helping people right now; it also means helping them for the future. About four months ago the church was looking for new ways to reach out to the surrounding community when a phrase on a t-shirt gave them the idea.

"I saw a woman wearing a shirt one day that said 'If the rapture happens, you can have my shirt.'" Said Chris Koister, the church's pastor. "That just gave me a wonderful idea. We need to be teaching people what they need to do in case they get left b

So several members of the church got together with Koister and formulated a plan to inform the non-Christian community what to do in case the Rapture occurs. The plan includes a series of public service radio announcements that address different subjects such as How to Avoid Out of Control Cars, What to Do with All of Those Extra Clothes and How to Fly an Airplane, the script of which states,

"In the event you find yourself aboard a large passenger jet in which the pilot and co-pilot have been raptured, do not panic! The first thing you will want to do is see if there are any other pilots on board the aircraft. While a professional pilot familiar with commercial aircrafts is preferred, any pilot with limited experience is acceptable. If no pilot is available be sure to make contact with the near
est air traffic control tower and they will assist you in landing the plane safely. It, IS, however, extremely important that you get through this situation alive as your being left behind is indicative of the peril of your soul."

While the church has been extremely pleased with the quality of the announcements, people in the Little Rock community have not taken favorably to them.

"These radio announcements are absolutely absurd." Said Carol Hampton, one angry listener. "I was driving the other day and I heard this message about what to do if a car starts driving towards me out of control because of the rapture. I thought it was a joke at first then I heard the tag line that this was a public service announcement from some church."

"We've received a number of calls complaining about the adds." Said Koister. "We may have gone a little too far with a couple of them perhaps. In the plane one we have a bunch of people at the beginning screaming in terror as the plane swerves out of control. We might have to tone them down a bit."

But despite the criticism, Koister says his church still plans to expand their ministry to those who will be left behind.

"We really want to put in a driving track out back and teach people how to avoid all of those out-of-control cars that will be zipping around out there." Said Koister. "We're just here to help the community."


Anonymous said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman

Anonymous said...

hahaha, wow I laughed for a while at this one! I hope people will see the folly of this supposed 'secret rapture'. The only thing left behind in the left behind theory is the Bible.

Rioni Unchained said...

Referring to the first comment here...if that's a joke, it's the sickest joke I've ever seen. To the rest of us...there is no need to read the tripe on that website.

Lee Shelton said...

I'm envisioning a new ministry opportunity: hiring unsaved pastors and training them, but making sure they don't ever go all the way and "make a decision to accept Christ." That way, the church can make sure that someone will be left behind to help all those lost souls get a second chance during the Great Tribulation.

Highland Host said...

No, 'Secret Rapture' is probably a cult leader in search of a cult. They turn up on blogger fairly often.

Machine Gun Kelley said...

I just wrote and article about this Secret Rapture fellow... He's a dork who hates women.

Anonymous said...

timotheus and Rhett and highland host:

Yes, I am a type of spammer. But also, I am a far out Space Cadet. I rightly can be accused of misogyny.
Within months, if not years, by my hand, we will be in the post apocalyptic world of 'Jericho' on TV! The proof is in the pudding! Stay tuned!